


golden

by piedpiperwriter



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: F/F, High School AU, babies. little babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:41:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27386611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piedpiperwriter/pseuds/piedpiperwriter
Summary: high school au one-shot, inspired by the fine line album.
Relationships: Shotgun Mary/Shannon Masters, Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva, Sister Camila/Sister Lilith (Warrior Nun)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 231





	golden

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Cherry  
> 2\. Sunflower, Vol. 6  
> 3\. Adore You  
> 4\. Fine Line  
> 5\. Golden  
> \- follow me on tumblr: piedpiperwriter  
> \- remember to leave a kudos and a comment at the end <3  
> \- enjoy!

**1\. Cherry**

  
  
  


Ava put her car into park after pulling into her spot, her student parking pass dangling from the rearview mirror.

_‘Junior year.’_ she thought, letting out a sigh at the idea of another two semesters.

No, actually.

It’s going to be good.

She has her friends to help keep her afloat, and she has her boyfriend.

Who is now standing outside her car window.

He knocked against the glass, exaggerating ‘Can you hear me?’ with a ridiculous face as though the window were soundproof. She smiled at him and shook her head, grabbing her keys and opening the door.

“Hey stranger.” JC greeted, his hands grasping his own backpack straps as Ava opened the rear door to retrieve her own.

“Hey,” she replied, slinging the bag over her shoulder as she shut the door, taking a few steps forward towards him.

JC smiled and leaned down, placing a peck on Ava’s lips, the shorter girl taking the affection routinely without thinking.

He draped an arm around her shoulders as they walked towards the back gates of the school, “Haven’t seen you in a bit, everything okay?” he asked, his thumb brushing back and forth on her shoulder.

Ava shrugged, “Yeah, just not super talkative lately, I guess.” she replied, her eyes distant as she looked ahead of them.

JC’s mouth twitched slightly as his eyes shifted back to the nearing gate, nodding slowly, “Well,” he said, pulling the door open for Ava to enter, “Just don’t float away on me, okay?” he said gently, his gaze holding weight as Ava’s focused on him.

“Yeah, yeah of course.” she replied, blinking before tilting her head up towards him, JC leaning down to place another kiss on her lips.

Ava shifted away as though it were nothing, pulling out her phone to check the time, “Shit, I have to get to homeroom,” she muttered, looking back up at her boyfriend, “I’ll see you at lunch?” 

JC gave a half smile and nodded, “Yeah, I’ll see you then.” he replied, walking backwards before turning to walk in the opposite direction.

Ava's eyes switched between her personalized schedule and the doors lining the wall, not paying attention to the direction she was walking before she bumped into someone.

“Fuck, sorry.” she said, her vision focusing on a familiar face, “Beatrice!”

The other girl smiled, catching the smaller girl as she jumped forward to embrace her best friend, “Hello, Ava.” she replied, squeezing the other girl before pulling away.

“Headed to class?” Ava asked, Beatrice nodded, holding up her student schedule briefly before looking back down to it.

“Yes, I was trying to find room 2-”

“247?” Ava finished, holding up her own schedule in hope that they’d have first day attendance in common.

A small smile settled on Beatrice’s lips as she nodded, “Yeah, that’s the one.” she stepped to the side and held an arm out, “Shall we?”

Ava smiled back and took her best friend’s arm as they began walking, their steps falling into sync, eventually finding themselves in front of the door they sought out.

Beatrice turned the handle and held the door open, making a dramatic display for Ava to enter, “After you, m’lady.” she said going into a deep bow.

Ava laughed and smacked her shoulder before walking in, Beatrice falling into step behind her.

To their disdain, the seats were assigned. 

Ava sat down at her desk and turned to Beatrice, a few seats down to her left, pouting at the distance between them.

Beatrice smiled and made a ‘be calm’ motion with her hands, pulling out her phone under the desk and typing a message. 

Ava’s phone vibrated in her lap before she grabbed it, checking her lock screen for the notification.

_What else do you have this semester?_

Ava smiled as she swiped to open the text, stealing a sideways glance at Beatrice before taking a picture of her schedule and sending it.

She heard Beatrice’s phone buzz as she held her breath, waiting for a response.

Her own phone buzzed shortly after, Beatrice’s schedule showing up in her messages.

_Wow look at you smarty pants_

_We share 4/7 classes together, you’re included in that sentiment lol_

_Lol fair fair_

Ava peeked to the side again, her eyes meeting Beatrice’s warm ones before typing another message.

_So periods 1 3 6 & 7, what’s your lunch? _

_5th_

_Damn i have 4th_

_A bit early for you, isn’t it?_

_It’ll be fine. I’ll just cop a can of pringles or something to cope_

  
  


_A whole can of pringles._

_You know me babe_

Ava looked up again to see Beatrice chuckling, shaking her head at the notion of Ava pulling out a full sized container of chips in the middle of class.

_Yes, very on brand for you._

_Lmao_

Their homeroom teacher cleared her throat then, “Please put your phones away if you have them out, we will be getting started shortly.”

Ava clicked her phone off and flashed a sad look in Beatrice’s direction; Beatrice just smiled and shook her head at her friend's dramatism as their teacher began.

  
  


~

  
  


“Hello, earth to Ava,” Chanel cooed, waving a hand in front of Ava’s face to get her attention, chuckling slightly when she came back to them.

It was a few weeks into the semester, Ava had gotten into the groove of her classes, and she was bored with… well, everything. 

And that was irritating.

“Sorry,” she muttered, reaching for her water bottle and unscrewing the cap to take a swig.

“You’re super out of it lately,” Zori said, popping a fry into her mouth, “What’s up?”

Ava set her elbow on the table to lean her head in her hand, shaking her head slightly as she shrugged, “Probably the funk period before the semester kicks in.”

Chanel gave her a look, “We’re three weeks into September,” she said quietly, dipping a carrot into her hummus as she eyed Ava.

Ava sighed and threw her hands up in the air in a sharp shrug, “Look, I don’t know what to tell you,” she started, the fifth period bell sounding in the background cutting her off.

She stood suddenly, gathering her belongings, “I have to go.” she stated plainly before turning towards the doors, leaving her friends at the table.

JC stared after her, dumbfounded at the sudden mood change. Zori scoffed as she collected the remnants of her lunch.

“What a bitch,” she muttered, walking over and shoving her trash into the garbage can.

JC’s eyebrows furrowed at the comment as he turned to the girls, “Zori, don’t,” he said, his mouth twitching in thought, “She’s just… having a moment.”

Chanel cocked an eyebrow, crossing her arms across her chest, “What _kind_ of moment?”

JC closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, turning back in the direction Ava went as he moved to stand, “I,” he started, sighing, “I don’t know.”

Zori nodded sarcastically as she slung her purse over her shoulder, “Well, when you figure it out, let us know,” she said sharply, looping her arm through Chanel’s crossed one, “I am not in the mood for downer shit this year.”

The girls turned to walk away, now leaving JC standing as the minutes ticked by.

His fingers tapped his leg as the gears in his head turned, an idea popping into his head.

He could manage to skip a couple classes, it was early enough in the year to rebound.

Not that he cared.

  
  


~

  
  


Ava finished up her last haiku as the final bell rang, allowing the students to leave for the day.

She turned in her classwork for Creative Writing 2 and headed for the door, her phone vibrating in her jean jacket pocket. 

She pulled it out and checked the lock screen: a message from JC.

  
  


_Meet me behind the school_

  
  


Her brow creased, JC wasn’t one for cryptic messages.

_Why?_

  
  


_Trust me_

She exhaled, entirely caught off guard by the surprise change of plans, complying despite her agitation.

She made her way to the rear of the school, rounding the corner to be met with an otherwise sweet scene.

JC stood in the middle of the field behind the school, a few balloons weighted down by his feet, holding a bouquet of flowers.

Ava exhaled and smiled slightly, her feet carrying her towards him despite a growing feeling in her stomach.

He gave a half smile as she approached, holding out the flowers for her, Ava reaching forward to grasp them.

“I’m sorry about lunch today,” he started, his hands sliding into his jean pockets.

Her eyebrows furrowed slightly, confused, “You didn’t do anything, though.”

JC looked down at his feet, shaking his head slightly, “No, I did- actually, it’s what I haven’t been doing.”

Ava held the flowers down by her side, her other hand hooking across her body to hold onto her arm, waiting for him to continue.

“I’ve been treating you like an afterthought, and it’s shitty, and I’m sorry,” he started, looking back up at her, his eyes apologetic, “I want to be a better boyfriend to you. I’m sorry I haven’t been that lately, and I want to fix that.”

Ava’s eyes flickered as she looked down at her feet, her eyes shifting to the flowers in her hand, “I’ve been doing the same thing, actually.” she admitted quietly, sadness tugging at her chest.

JC’s mouth shifted as he pulled his hands out of his pockets, his fingers fidgeting between each other when he folded them flat against his stomach.

Ava was quiet as he waited for the rest, biting at her bottom lip as she turned over her thoughts in her head.

  
  


“I think we should break up.”

JC held his breath as he blinked rapidly, the words hitting him like a bus.

“What?”

Ava looked up at him briefly and then down to the flowers, bringing them upwards so her other hand cradled them, “I don’t…” she started, swallowing the growing lump in her throat, “... feel like I did before. I see you and I don’t get excited, you kiss me and I don’t feel any different afterwards,” she released a shaky breath, willing her voice to cooperate, “And I think it would be better for both of us if we ended things.”

His face was crestfallen, his eyes beginning to shine sadly, “You really don’t think we have anything left?” he whispered, swallowing.

A tear escaped Ava’s eye as she gave him a sad smile, shaking her head softly, “I’m so sorry.”

She looked down at the flowers as more tears fell onto the plastic wrapping, then handing them back towards him.

He took them slowly, his lips parted as he processed everything she told him, tears of his own threatening to spill over.

Ava’s chin quivered as she moved forward towards her stunned- now ex- boyfriend, going up on her tiptoes to press a gentle kiss against JC’s cheek, one of his tears escaping as he closed his eyes tightly at the gesture.

Ava moved back slowly, looking at his devastated appearance as she uttered her final words.

“Goodbye, JC.” she whispered, turning away from him as she walked towards the student parking lot.

Her pace increased as their distance widened, the tightness in her chest growing as she pulled her keys out of her pocket to unlock her car.

She opened the driver side door, throwing her backpack across to the passenger’s seat before slamming the door shut, enveloping herself in the silence of her own space.

And she cried.

She let the pent up regret of lying to herself and hurting him escape her through gasps and sobs, allowing the worst to get out before she pulled out her phone, typing in a number.

The line rang, a familiar voice eventually sounding through.

_“Ava?”_

She exhaled a shuddered breath, “I broke up with JC.”

She was met with momentary silence, a quiet breath releasing on the opposite end of the line.

_“Are you okay?”_

Ava squeezed her eyes shut as she felt another sob forming within her, shaking her head, “No.”

_“Do you want to come over?”_

Ava let out a choked, sad laugh, “Yeah, yes.”

_“Okay,”_ the voice said, sounds of papers shuffling through the speaker, _“Let me know when you get near and I’ll give you the gate code.”_

Ava nodded again, “I will,” she took a steadying breath, “Thank you.”

Beatrice smiled on her end of the line, her chest warming at the sound of her best friend’s voice getting just a little brighter.

“Of course, Ava. Anytime.”

  
  


~

  
  


Ava got out of her car and shut the door as she approached the front entrance, all too aware of how red and puffy her eyes and cheeks were.

She walked up the steps and rang the doorbell, waiting.

Beatrice greeted her as the thick oak swung open, smiling sympathetically.

Ava felt her chest tighten at the look of concern on her friend’s face, the care behind her eyes. Her chin quivered again as she walked forward, embracing Beatrice.

Beatrice hugged her back tightly, running a hand up and down Ava’s back.

“You’re okay,” she whispered, Ava shaking with cries in her arms, “It’s going to be okay.”

She felt Ava nod before she pulled away, hand sliding down Beatrice’s arm to intertwine their fingers, letting out a sad, breathy laugh.

“I’m sorry, this was so unexpected.” she said, looking up at Beatrice.

Her best friend glanced down at their connected fingers and then back up to Ava, shaking her head slightly.

“That’s what I’m here for.”

Beatrice led Ava inside to the kitchen, a cup of hot liquorice tea sitting on the counter with a bottle of honey sitting beside it.

Ava smiled, looking to Beatrice at the thoughtful gesture, “My favorite.”

Beatrice shrugged modestly, “Again, that’s what I’m here for.”

Ava dropped her hand to handle the honey, squeezing a two-count into the cup and stirring. She brought the mug to her lips and sipped carefully, the taste of accenting cinnamon and clove hitting her tongue.

Beatrice smiled at the satisfaction she felt seeing Ava calmer than she was mere minutes before, tilting her head to the side, “Come back to my room, I’m just getting back some prints to hang up.”

Ava nodded, smiling slightly, “Lead the way.”

  
  


~

  
  


They spent the next two hours talking, Ava confiding in Beatrice about how she truly felt about JC for the past six months, commenting on which photos she liked best, her eyes scanning the small collection of cameras Beatrice had on her dresser.

Ava got up from her resting position on the bed, walking over to where Beatrice stood as she hung up a picture of tall grass illuminated by the afternoon sun. Her eyes shifted to another picture, a sunflower bathed in noontime rays, another of the clear night sky littered with numerous stars.

“These are gorgeous,” she whispered, her hand reaching up to run her fingers along the edge of the sunflower photograph, mesmerized by the elements captured by a mere camera.

She heard a click and turned to see Beatrice, camera in hand, pointing the lens in her direction. She smiled lightly and put her hand down, instead propping her elbows up on the vanity, one of her hands holding her head up as she posed for another shot.

Beatrice peaked over the lens and smiled, dipping her head back down to snapshot this moment in time.

Ava chuckled to herself as she took a few steps to Beatrice’s side, “Let me see.”

Beatrice clicked back through the gallery, showing Ava the shots she just captured.

“God,” Ava breathed a laugh, “My cheeks are still so red, definitely not a look.”

Beatrice shook her head, “No,” she said quietly, her eyes meeting Ava’s, an unreadable emotion behind them, “They’re beautiful.”

Ava blinked, her eyes shifting between her best friends before nodding softly, feeling a new emotion take hold within her chest that she had yet to fully acknowledge.

“Okay,” she breathed, “They’re beautiful.”

They stared for a few moments longer before Ava shifted her eyes from her best friend’s to the cameras she was eyeing.

“Tell me about these.” she requested, a small smirk forming on her lips.

Beatrice smiled at the interest, beginning on the first one in the lineup.

  
  
  


  1. **Sunflower, Vol. 6**



  
  
  


Time had passed since Ava broke up with JC, and Beatrice was happy to see her best friend return to the enthusiastic and spunky girl she’s known since elementary school. 

For a while, Beatrice was concerned that the person she had come to know and… well, you know, _feel_ things for, had been lost to a relationship that went from mutualistic to commensalistic in the span of a couple years. Luckily, her worst fears have faded into the past as Ava bounced back to her normal mischievous ways...

  
  


Speak of the devil.

  
  


Beatrice opened her locker to retrieve her AP Calculus textbook when a pair of hands squeezed her sides, causing her to jump out of surprise.

She turned to the perpetrator, about ready to tell whoever it was off, when her features softened considerably at the sight before her.

It was already late October, over halfway through the fall semester, and it just so happened to be Spirit week.

The theme of the day was ‘supernatural creatures & legends’, falling into the school’s mascot category of ‘the saints’ and the approaching Halloween night.

Beatrice wasn’t one for the effort or decoration of dressing up, keeping to her normal autumn garb of jeans, high tops, and flannel button ups.

Ava, however, stood before a stunned Beatrice dressed as an angel: little paper mache wings with feathers around the edges, a flowy-sleeved Roman-esque tunic that stopped just above her knees accented with golden lining, and a golden olive branch halo atop her head that reflected in the sunlight.

That wasn’t what got Beatrice, though.

Ava had done her makeup especially for that event, her eyes dramatized with gold body glitter around them that brought out the faint hazel flecks in her irises.

“Well?” she asked, her smile nearly bursting forth as she made a display of her costume, “What do you think?”

Beatrice’s eyes shifted down to the outfit as the loose fabric, cinched at her waist, swished slightly, the gold accents picking up the mid morning sun’s rays.

“Wow,” she breathed, not catching the brief lip bite Ava did upon hearing the barely audible reaction, shaking her head slightly to clear her thoughts, “I mean, yeah, it’s perfect.” she finished.

Ava’s eyes lit up, “Perfectly _angelic_?” she teased, moving to her best friend’s side and looping her arm through Beatrice’s slack one, the other girl regaining her composure at the action.

“Yeah,” she replied, shifting her eyes to look at Ava as a smile tugged at her lips, “Definitely.”

They began their trek to class, most of the AP classes inconveniently placed on the far side of the school opposite to their locker locations, not that it bothered Beatrice. Ava had made a point to get a locker near hers during the first week due to their schedule similarities, making it a perfect recipe for midday talks.

“So,” Ava started, glancing sideways at Beatrice, “Ready for the ‘pop’ quiz in Calc?” she asked, putting sarcastic quotation marks around ‘pop’; their teacher was terrible at keeping secrets like that.

Beatrice nodded, “As ready as I can be,” she said, looking down at how their steps were in sync, “What can you do?” she asked hypothetically.

Ava exhaled a laugh, “Not take the class.” she answered, earning a laugh out of Beatrice; she moved the slightest bit closer to her best friend’s warm body as a brisk breeze traveled through the open-air hallway, catching her off guard.

“Yeah, never going to happen. You know how my dad is.” she replied, a bit of the ease she had at the beginning of their walk dissipating at the mention of her parents despite Ava’s proximity.

Ava gave a half smile, feeling the mood shift, “Yeah, I do,” she started, letting a few moments of silence pass, “Are they still... y’know, acting weird about you?” she asked softly.

Beatrice gave a combination of a shrug and a nod, “Yeah. I’d think by now something would come up, but both of them have preferred to ignore it entirely.”

Ava’s mood changed from cheery to gloomy at that, her physical reaction to squeeze Beatrice’s arm and settle her head against her shoulder as they walked, “I’m sorry, Bea.” she replied softly.

Beatrice smiled sadly at the action and shook her head, “It’s fine, I’ll just avoid any sort of… dating life until I’m in college, I guess,” she said, her eyes returning to their feet, “It’s not like it’s existed thus far, anyway.”

Something tugged within Ava as the words went through her; sympathy, yes, concern, yes, but there was something else in the mix of emotions swishing around in her chest. 

Something about listening to Beatrice concede to her parents’ homophobia, however subtle, triggered a spark within her that she had yet to fully notice.

They remained silent as they reached the room for their class, Beatrice opening the door for Ava and following her inside.

Ava stopped a few steps in and let out a quiet laugh, covering her mouth as Beatrice took in the scene before them.

Camila was dressed as a vampire: red contacts, sharp fangs, pale sparkly foundation, donning a leather jacket and fishnet leggings under her high waisted jean shorts. Lilith complimented her get-up as a werewolf: her fingernails decorated with sharp claws, pointed ears and fangs, beastly makeup, topped off with accenting leather and denim.

Their makeup was surprisingly well done, a reflection of Camila’s handiwork in stage makeup from the years she's spent doing musical theatre. 

Lilith had her arms wrapped around Camila’s waist from behind, Camila herself holding up her phone to snap a selfie of them both making playful snarling faces. After capturing the image, Lilith caught a quick peck from Camila, who grabbed her by her jacket collar, muttering 'uh uh', and dragged her back for a better kiss.

They pulled apart when they heard clapping, Ava giving them applause and laughing at the free show.

“Excellent performance, ladies. Would you like to get a room now?” she quipped, receiving a prompt middle finger from Lilith, who then pulled her girlfriend closer to her.

“It’s always when you walk in,” she said, shaking her head, “How do they do it, Mila?”

Camila shrugged, looking up at the taller girl mischievously, “Not sure, maybe they just have impeccable timing.” she replied, a hand coming up to Lilith’s chin to pull her down for another kiss.

Ava pointed her finger at her open mouth, sticking her tongue out and making a gag noise as she made her way over to her seat, Camila and Lilith bursting into laughter at the reaction.

Beatrice let out a laugh at the dramatic display, “You know, for an angel, you’re quite crude.”

Ava squinted at Beatrice and bit her lip, a sly smirk making its way onto her lips as she dropped her backpack to the ground, “That’s because it’s an illusion,” she said in a sultry voice, leaning on her hands as she tilted herself over the desk slightly, “I’m more wicked than I let on.”

Beatrice froze at the words, her heart pumping wildly before Ava broke out into laughter, her wings shaking, “Oh my god, your face,” she giggled, reaching forward to grab Beatrice’s hand and willing her over, “Come on, sit down; I’m not gonna smother you.”

Beatrice exhaled and shook her head, a relieved laugh making its way up through her chest.

Well, she thinks it was relief.

As she was opening her notebook, Camila walked over to their spot, her phone screen pointed at them both as she leaned forward onto Ava’s desk.

“Okay, so,” she started, her vampire fangs popping as she smiled, “I know this is, like, a few weeks away, but it’s my church’s annual fall festival. Lil and I were wondering if you two wanted to tag along?” she asked, her smile becoming sweeter than any other in an attempt to get them on board.

“Hell yes,” Ava responded, squeezing Beatrice’s hand as she looked at her, her dramatized eyes more effective than usual as she widened them at her best friend, “Please? Come with me?”

Beatrice examined Ava’s face briefly before smiling and rolling her eyes, looking to Camila, “Yes, we’ll come with.”

Camila stood up and let out a joyful squeal, “Awesome, it’s settled then.” she replied, turning back around and walking back to her seat, Lilith draping an arm around the back of the chair as Camila settled into her side to flip through Instagram.

Ava viewed them with a look of wonder, her eyes eventually falling back to her and Beatrice’s hands, still clasped together on top of the desk.

She bit her lip in thought, her gaze shifting to her best friend’s opposing hand, currently prepping her notes with titles and subheadings before their lecture started. 

Her eyes then shifted to her face, Beatrice's brow slightly creased in focus. She paused her movements momentarily and looked over to Ava, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, “What?”

Ava’s eyes shifted between both of Beatrice’s, a gentle smile of her own blooming on her face as she shook her head slightly, “Nothing.”

Beatrice’s smile grew and she squeezed Ava’s hand, returning her attention to her notes.

Ava settled her head on her fist for the remaining minutes before class started, observing Beatrice in her candid state.

Yeah, it was definitely something.

  
  
  


  1. **Adore You**



  
  
  


Ava stood in front of her bathroom mirror putting on the finishing touches of her makeup: a subtle smokey eye and soft burgundy lips. Nothing extravagant or over the top; she was going to an outdoor festival, after all.

Satisfied with her final look- a thick drop shoulder sweater, skinny jeans, and combat boots- she pulled out her phone and tapped the camera app, posing in the mirror as she captured her reflection.

Mary walked by the open bathroom, paying no mind, only to walk backwards and fix her eyes on Ava.

“What’s _this_ for?” she teased, crossing her arms as she leaned against the doorframe.

Ava smirked as she glanced at Mary, applying a filter to the selfie, “Shut up, I’m going out.”

“Oh? And where will you be going, _princesa_?” Mary continued, her smile only growing.

Ava tapped on the share button and clicked messages, choosing to send her selfie to the group chat, “Cam invited Bea and I to join her and Lilith at her church’s fall festival, I said yes.”

Mary nodded slowly, “Beatrice too?” Ava nodded, smiling slightly, “... shouldn’t you be going, like, five minutes ago?”

“No, Beatrice is picking me up.” she replied, not catching the change of Mary’s expression as her phone buzzed with her friends’ responses.

_Lilith: clown makeup_

_Cam: babe can you PLEASE shut the fuck up_

_Cam: ava you’re a smokeshow don’t listen to her_

_Cam: <3 <3 <3 _

Ava let out a breathy laugh at the couples’ banter, Mary shifted beside her.

“When’s she getting here?” Mary asked.

Ava looked up and opened her mouth to respond before hearing a car horn outside, jamming her thumb in the direction of the noise, smiling, “Now.”

Ava brushed past Mary, who muttered ‘Jesus she’s punctual’, to grab her purse out of her room, making sure to have her house keys and wallet before slinging a scarf loosely around her neck.

She approached the front entrance before hearing a throat clear behind her, turning to Mary.

“Be safe,” she started, leaning forward slightly to punctuate her points, “Have fun, Shannon and I will be here when you get back so you can ‘dish on the deets’ or whatever the hell kids say these days,” she said before digging into her pocket, handing Ava a ten dollar bill, “For snacks or whatever.”

Ava smiled as she took the bill and stuffed it into her purse, “Thanks,” she replied, looking up at Mary one final time, “See you later.”

Mary smiled lightly and nodded as Ava walked through the front door.

The cool November air gave Ava a slight chill as she approached the car, Beatrice leaning against the hood with her hands in her pockets, her eyes fixed on the ground.

She looked up when she heard footsteps approaching, standing fully upright at the girl that stood before her.

Beatrice felt a burn in her chest.

It wasn’t emotion related, she just forgot to breathe for too long.

Ava smiled gently at the stunned reaction, her eyes shining in the moonlight, “What?”

Beatrice shook her head slowly and sucked in a breath, trying to catch a few of the words bouncing around rapidly in her head.

“You,” she breathed, taking a couple slow steps forward, her eyes taking in every aspect of Ava’s appearance before shaking her head, “You look _really_ good.” she admitted, a pink tint unrelated to the winter-adjacent air coming to her cheeks and ears.

Ava’s smile widened as she took a couple steps forward, reaching to grab Beatrice’s hands, “Thank you,” she said, pulling back one hand but holding the other up, spinning beneath Beatrice’s arm arcing overhead.

Beatrice flowed into the impromptu dance move, catching Ava at the waist with her unoccupied hand as she laughed lightly, giving her best friend's side a pat, “Lets go, I don’t want to keep Lilith waiting.”

Ava smiled as she pulled away, walking towards the passenger’s side, “Not like you couldn’t take her.”

Beatrice’s eyebrows shot up as she smirked sarcastically, pausing to look up at the sky, “Let me rephrase: I don’t want to keep Lilith waiting because of _Camila_.”

Ava’s smile turned into a giggle, “Okay, totally fair.” she responded, opening the door and sliding into the seat.

On the inside of the house, Mary watched their interaction, a smile forming on her lips.

"They're goners," she said aloud, crossing her arms across her chest.

Shannon barked a laugh from the living room, buried under a blanket, "Of course they are," she said, shifting to sit upright as Mary walked back towards her, "They've been attached at the hip since kindergarten, I've been waiting for one of them to break since they started high school."

Mary lightly smacked Shannon's knee, "Terrible." she said, leaning down to kiss her before sitting down beside her. 

She chuckled, "You said it, not me," Shannon replied, stretching her legs out over Mary's as she clicked on Netflix.

Mary smoothed a hand back and forth along Shannon's thigh absentmindedly, letting her wife pick the movie for the night, "You remember when we were like that?"

Shannon glanced at Mary and then back to the tv, "Like what? In denial?" she asked, a smirk creeping onto her lips, "Yeah, like it was yesterday."

Mary squinted at her wife, a smirk of her own forming, "I don't know how to feel about that."

Shannon chuckled, pulling her legs back and underneath her so she could sit on her knees, leaning into Mary's space, her voice lowering.

"It feels like yesterday when I wanted you to push me up against a wall and kiss me like there's no tomorrow."

Mary stared at Shannon for a few moments, completely taken aback by the sudden change in mood before she saw a glint in her eyes; Mary's lips began to curl upwards, and her wife broke into laughter.

She shoved Shannon over as she laughed, "Like I said: terrible." she replied, grabbing the remote and taking their movie night hostage. 

Shannon sat up, giggling, and leaned forward onto her hands to place a dozen little kisses on Mary's cheek, "Please, you loved it."

Mary turned to her with her lips pursed, leaning forward to steal a kiss before Shannon settled into her side, Mary's arm draping around her shoulders.

"In your dreams, Masters." Mary muttered as she clicked on a title, Shannon beginning to shake with more laughter.

  
  


~

  
  


The steady hum of the engine filled the few minutes of silence between them, Beatrice’s left hand gripping the steering wheel tightly as her eyes shifted from the road to her mirrors every so often; she tried not to look at Ava too much, her heart already beating rapidly in her presence. 

Ava sat beside her quietly, observing her friend with an unidentifiable look in her eyes.

She reached over and grasped Beatrice’s right hand gently, smiling as their fingers laced together naturally like they always did.

She looked at the other girl, noticing how in the rippling incandescent light from the streetlamps gave her skin a warm glow, her freckles more noticeable in the gentle lighting.

“You kind of surprised me at how quickly you agreed to this, you usually put up more of a fight,” Ava said, feeling Beatrice’s hand shift slightly in hers.

“Well,” Beatrice started, not exactly sure where she was going with her thoughts, “It’s a once a year thing, and I enjoy time with my friends, so why not?”

Ava examined Beatrice from the side, noticing how her eyes avoided hers, her palm the slightest bit slick.

She nodded gently, “Okay, I’ll give you that.” she said softly, running a thumb across the back of Beatrice’s hand.

Beatrice swallowed to try and mitigate the dryness in her mouth, “Want to listen to anything?” she asked, trying to change the subject from her to something objective.

Ava smiled slightly and nodded, reaching forward to click the radio on. The small sedan filled with a hazy melody, slowly coming into focus as the lyrics began.

  
  


_“Walk in your rainbow paradise_

_Strawberry lipstick state of mind_

_I get so lost inside your eyes_

_Would you believe it?”_

  
  


Beatrice blinked as the words reverberated throughout the car, realizing that the music, in fact, did not help ease her nerves; they solidified them.

Ava stared out the side window, her and Beatrice’s fingers still laced together, as she continued listening to the lyrics, the familiar feeling she's had in her chest since she broke up with JC building with every word.

  
  


_“Oh, honey_

_I'd walk through fire for you_

_Just let me adore you_

_Like it's the only thing I'll ever do.”_

  
  


She realized, suddenly, the tension in the air around them. 

She realized how electric her skin felt against her best friend; she realized how often she felt warm around her; she realized that the feeling she got weeks ago, the one mixed in with sympathy and concern, transcended both of those entirely- beyond simple care and friendship.

  
  


_“You don't have to say you love me,_

_I just wanna tell you something:_

_Lately you've been on my mind._

_Honey,_

_I'd walk through fire for you,_

_Just let me adore you.”_

  
  


Ava was in love with her best friend.

  
  


She was in love with Beatrice, and it rendered her speechless.

Beatrice snuck a glance to her right, catching Ava as her brow was lightly creased, her lips slightly parted, and she squeezed her hand gently, “Hey, you okay?”

Ava blinked rapidly and closed her mouth, not looking in Beatrice’s direction in lieu of her realization, “Yeah, yeah,” she responded, bracing herself as she turned to her best friend, a half smile on her lips, “I’m fine.”

Beatrice wasn’t fully convinced but she didn’t push, just nodding softly and returning her eyes to the road, brushing her thumb across the back of Ava’s palm, “Okay.”

  
  


They didn’t talk for the rest of the car ride, hands still connected, and Ava brainstormed what she was going to do about this.

  
  


~

  
  


Beatrice pulled into the makeshift parking spot off to the side of the property, swiftly getting out of the car to round the front and open Ava’s door.

Ava’s eyebrows rose slightly as she smiled, taking the hand that was awaiting hers and stepping out onto the dirt, “Why, what a gentlewoman.”

Beatrice smiled and laughed lightly, shutting the door as Ava stepped out of the way, “Anything for you, my liege.” she replied with a silly yet formal tone.

Ava laughed and lightly smacked her arm before looping theirs, beginning to walk towards the fenced entrance of the festival.

They heard commotion nearby, Beatrice turning to see Lilith shifting Camila on her back to carry her, the smaller girl turning to see her friends, “Ava! Bea!”

“Hey, Cam,” Ava replied, her eyes shifting to Lilith, “I see your pack mule is busy.”

Camila stifled a laugh as Lilith rolled her eyes, a smile betraying her lips, “Stuff it, Silva.”

Ava laughed lightly and pulled Beatrice closer, the taller girl smiling softly at their interactions.

As they approached the gates, Camila straightened her posture atop Lilith’s back and flashed a smile at the young gatekeeper, “Hi Carlos.”

The kid looked at her wide eyed, opening the gate for them to enter, “Hello, Miss Camila.” he greeted, his eyes swimming with wonder.

Camila smiled wider and brushed a hand across his cheek as she passed, “ _Thank_ you, Carlos.” she replied, the poor kid nearly folding like a lawn chair at the gesture.

Beatrice bit the inside of her cheek to hold back her laughter; Ava was not so subtle.

“Holy fuck, what was _that?_ ” she laughed, clutching her stomach as the giggles spilled out of her.

Camila dismounted Lilith, giving her a quick peck before turning to the other half of their quartet, “ _That_ was exploitation.” she said proudly, looping her arm around her girlfriend’s waist, Lilith draping an arm around her shoulders.

Beatrice let out a bit of the laughter she held back initially, “How very un-Catholic of you, Martín.”

Camila playfully rolled her eyes at the use of her last name, “Please, if you attend Christmas and Easter mass and, like, go to confession once a year, you’re bulletproof.”

Ava chuckled and shook her head, her eyes shifting to the array of rides and food stands, “Well, what do you wanna do first?” she asked, her eyes settling on Beatrice who met her gaze.

“I,” Lilith started, causing the two friends to look in her direction, “Want kettle corn.”

Ava’s eyes lit up at the suggestion, “Okay, yes, take me.”

Lilith smiled as she led the way, Camila nestled into her side as they walked.

After obtaining the preferred fair food, Camila snatched the bag from her girlfriend, grabbing a handful for herself and dumping it into her mouth.

“Hey,” Lilith pouted, reaching for the bag that Camila kept out of reach, smirking.

The shorter girl reached in and grabbed a piece, holding it up to Lilith, “Catch.”

She tossed the kettle corn into the air, Lilith shortening her height to catch it in her mouth.

Camila’s smile widened as she reached for another piece, preparing to toss it before her girlfriend grasped her wrist, grabbing the piece with her teeth out of Camila’s fingers.

Ava groaned at the display, “Good God, is there a kissing booth around here? Or a porta-potty? I swear, you two are going to jump each other.”

Camila and Lilith broke their dramatic facade into a fit of giggles, Camila nearly collapsing forward into Lilith with the force of her laughter as the taller girl wrapped her arms around her.

“Oh my god,” she exhaled, moving back and wiping at her eyes, “It never gets old, huh?” she asked her girlfriend, also laughing.

Lilith tried to steady her breaths, shaking her head, “It really doesn’t.”

Beatrice chuckled as Ava rolled her eyes, smiling, “I hate you guys.”

Their laughter died down as Beatrice’s eyes scanned the numerous carnival games, her eyes settling on a balloon dart game, “Hey, wanna go try that?”

Ava’s eyes followed Beatrice’s, nodding as she viewed the game stand, “Yeah, I’m down.”

Camila muttered something to Lilith, pointing in the direction of the ‘test of strength’ game involving a big hammer, their feet already taking them in that direction.

Ava watched them go, the distance between them quickly becoming nonexistent as Camila grasped Lilith’s hand and leaned into her.

She wondered what that would feel like, with a girl.

Truth be told, Ava never mentally shied away from the prospect of bisexuality. She hadn’t entertained the idea in practice, but had she not been with JC for two years, she was sure she would have sought out a girl. 

She tried not to think about it too much, because each time her mind drifted to a specific person; someone who has been with her since the near beginning, through thick and thin, through petty arguments and devastating losses.

She tried not to think about the person paying for the carnival game in front of them, who she held hands with in the car ride there, who was her anchor for the better part of 12 years.

Beatrice grasped her seven darts, handing the other seven to Ava as she set up her stance, her first toss of a dart popping a balloon dead center.

Ava was impressed by the first time success, trying her hand at the game, her first four darts either hitting the corkboard or falling to the ground.

Beatrice watched, only on her third dart, and placed a hand on Ava’s arm, “Here, like this.” she said, moving behind her.

Her hand hovered over Ava’s thigh, nearly touching the denim, “Stagger your feet,” she said softly, her face only a few inches away from her best friend’s.

Ava blinked and took a steadying breath, trying to calm her rapid heartbeat as she looked down to her feet, moving them apart.

“Now,” Beatrice continued, a gentle hand coming up to nudge Ava’s arm into a throwing position, “Relax your wrist,” she said, Ava feeling the soft puff of breath against her ear and trying not to drop the dart, complying.

“Good,” Beatrice breathed, fully aware of her own racing heart due to their proximity, the hand on Ava’s arm moving down to settle against her waist, whisper-like in its pressure, “Now throw.”

She exhaled and tossed the dart, the sharp instrument landing dead center into a balloon, popping it.

Ava exhaled a laugh, turning her head to meet Beatrice’s eyes, noticing how wide her pupils were in that moment, “Thank you.” she whispered.

Beatrice’s eyes flickered and she smiled softly, patting Ava’s side and placing her remaining darts into her best friend’s hand, “Again.”

Ava turned back to the game, a new confidence washing over her from the newly acquired knowledge and Beatrice’s proximity to her.

Each successive dart hit a balloon, one after the other, achieving the game’s challenge and awarding her a prize.

Ava picked out a little stuffed lion, tucking it into her purse as she and Beatrice took their leave, her arm looping through Beatrice’s.

“Thank you, for teaching me.” she said, her other hand coming up to rest on Beatrice’s forearm as she looked up at her best friend.

Beatrice’s warm gaze met Ava’s, a smirk forming on her lips, “Of course, I didn’t want to waste that ten dollars to watch you stick darts in the ground.”

Ava scoffed, mock offense on her face as she smiled, nudging Beatrice as they walked, “Asshole.”

Beatrice’s smile widened as she chuckled, their steps falling back into sync.

They walked for a while in silence, people watching as crowds and groups of eccentric individuals passed by. 

They stopped under the big food tent, watching some of the music show being hosted for the patrons, Ava swaying slightly to the different melodies that poured out of the speakers.

Beatrice felt her chest fill with warmth to see Ava at ease, enjoying the event she was convinced to attend with zero regrets.

They eventually stumbled upon their two friends a little over an hour later, fully engaged in an affectionate scene.

Lilith’s back was leaning against the back of the brick wall of the church, Camila pressing herself into her front as her hands caressed her girlfriend’s face, their lips connected in a deep kiss. Lilith was holding Camila steady by her waist, Ava watching as the taller girl sunk down the slightest bit to wrap her arms around her girlfriend, pulling her closer.

She felt her heart hammering in her chest, imagining herself and another in the same positions she was viewing, lacrosse calloused hands grasping her waist as they got lost in each other, blocking out the world around them. She imagined dark eyes and freckled cheeks and soft lips, lean arms keeping her afloat in a sea of hormones and emotions and pent up feelings from years of friendship that became too close for comfort.

She imagined what Beatrice would feel like against her.

“I think we should leave them to it,” Beatrice whispered, noticing how Ava went silent as she gently pulled her in the opposite direction. 

She looked around at the rides they had available to them, her eyes settling on a mellow option she felt was appropriate for the time of night.

“Let’s go on the ferris wheel.” she suggested, feeling her heart flutter when Ava’s eyes met hers, an unreadable emotion locked within them.

Ava nodded, a small smile coming to bloom on her lips, “Okay.”

They made their way over, supplying the ridemaster with a ticket for each of them, eventually finding themselves sitting across from each other in a confined space.

The ride began its slow ascent, and Ava felt a chill go through her from the winter air. 

Beatrice noticed the shiver in her best friend, promptly getting up and sitting beside her, close enough to give off some of her warmth.

Ava’s heart was beating fast as she focused on her breathing, trying to relax as she moved closer to Beatrice, reveling in the warmth she gave off.

Beatrice’s mind had a million thoughts running through it, but one stuck out.

She slowly put her arm around Ava’s shoulder, feeling both relief and anxiety at how her best friend leaned into the touch, her head settling on the taller girl’s shoulder.

Ava felt the words bouncing around in her head start to form in her throat, her mouth going dry at the sentence approaching the tip of her tongue.

She reached for Beatrice’s hand, gently lacing their fingers together in a snug clasp, both of their palms slick with nerves despite the cold, their pulses matching in pace.

Ava closed her eyes briefly, mustering up every scrap of courage she had within her to follow through with her last minute decision, the ferris wheel reaching its peak.

She squeezed Beatrice’s hand as she slowly shifted forward, turning to face her best friend, both of their eyes wide.

Ava opened her mouth to speak, no words coming out. 

She licked her lips.

She took a breath.

  
  


“I think I’m in love with you.”

  
  


Ava sat there, her grip on Beatrice’s hand tight as her heart pounded in her chest, waiting for a reaction.

Beatrice’s eyes flickered at the admittance, her lips parting slightly as her eyes dashed between Ava’s, her body stiff as she tried to formulate a response.

  
  


“Alright, next round!”

The ridemaster announced, the ferris wheel coming to a halt and knocking the girls out of their daze. Beatrice was the first to move, pushing the little door open and holding it for Ava as she fixed her eyes on the ground.

Ava stepped out and walked forward, her hands trembling with nerves as she felt a buzz in her purse. She pushed past the little stuffed animal and unlocked her phone, reading a message from Camila to the group chat.

_Hey lil and i are headed back to her place (her parents are gone for the weekend ;)) sorry for leaving u and bea hanging tho, hope you guys had fun!_

Ava’s nerves surged as she realized that it was just the two of them now, no buffers to mitigate any tension or anxiety.

  
  


And her best friend still hadn’t given her a response.

  
  


Beatrice approached, shoving her phone into her back pocket, assumedly having read Camila’s message as well. She pulled out her car keys and looked at them in her hand, “You want to get going?”

It wasn’t so much a question as it was a request, a feeling of dread beginning to build at Ava’s recognition of her recent words and actions. 

She nodded in response, managing to maintain a neutral expression as Beatrice jammed a thumb in the direction that they parked.

They walked alongside each other, both avoiding any legitimate or intended physical or eye contact.

They didn’t speak, the silence between them becoming deafening as they got into Beatrice’s car.

Ava stared out the window the whole ride home, the tightness in her chest that formed back on the carnival field becoming so taut that it would snap.

Beatrice kept her eyes fixed on the road, both hands on the wheel, her knuckles white as she tried to maintain her composure with the words swimming around in her head.

When they pulled up to Ava’s house, Beatrice put her car into park.

They sat in tense silence for a few moments before Ava opened the door, beginning to step outside as Beatrice uttered a single word.

“Goodnight.”

Ava froze, her watery gaze fixed on Beatrice’s wide eyes.

She clenched her jaw and shook her head quickly, “Goodnight.”

She knew her voice shook as she walked up to her front door, the sound of the running engine still in the background.

She fumbled with her keys as she unlocked the door, slamming it as she set foot into the foyer.

As soon as it was shut, Ava let out a sob, leaning back as she slid down the length of the door, eventually sitting on the cool tile floor.

“Ava?” a voice called, the sound of two pairs of bare footsteps approaching her.

Her vision was blurry, her breaths erratic as she cried, her head in her hands.

“Oh no,” Shannon said quietly, her steps quickening as she came to kneel down beside Ava, her hands caressing her hair.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” she asked gently, trying to coax Ava’s eyes to meet hers.

The teen looked up into her foster parent’s eyes, her chin quivering as she shook her head.

“I made a mistake.”

Mary stood nearby, her heart sinking to see Ava- technically her kid, realistically like her little sister- in so much emotional pain. She approached slowly, sitting down next to Ava and placing a hand on her back, rubbing circles to calm her.

Shannon cradled Ava’s head against her chest, looking to Mary with sad eyes, giving a confirming nod to the nature of the situation.

Mary sighed, her eyes shifting back to the sobbing girl.

Ava shook with sobs, her head continuing to shake from side to side, “I fucked up, Mary.”

Mary’s brow creased as she shifted forward, snaking her arms around the teen’s waist, holding her to make her presence and support known.

“You didn’t,” she said gently, leaning her forehead against the crown of Ava’s head as her foster child cried in the arms of her parents.

“I promise you, you didn’t.”

  
  
  


  1. **Fine Line**



  
  
  


Ava had tried texting and calling Beatrice over winter break to no avail, the other girl avoiding any contact at all. 

She fell into a depression the weeks following her confession, sticking mostly to her room or going out on walks during the worst of the cold days, thinking that maybe the shock of temperature would wake her up- like this was some nightmare that she would come out of unscathed.

She convinced herself that she misjudged the situation entirely; maybe Beatrice was just entertaining her all this time, maybe their lingering looks were all in her head, maybe the words of affection she gave and received were just friendly compliments and supportive phrases. She convinced herself that she made the whole thing up in her mind.

  
  


She felt fucking terrible.

  
  


Beatrice had been her best friend since they were five years old, being one of the first kids on the playground to make her feel like she belonged among the others; an orphan at the time with no real history or family- a nobody.

She stuck by her side, year after year, their bond growing stronger as time passed.

Beatrice had been there when Mary and Shannon became her foster parents, sharing the joy of the occasion in third grade as they celebrated the day in art class.

Beatrice had been there when Ava had been in that car accident in eighth grade, her and Shannon barely escaping death at the hands of a drunk driver. She stuck by her bedside, begging her parents to let her stay at the hospital overnight, every night, until Ava could be discharged. She came with her to her physical therapy sessions, encouraging her on days when she felt she would never walk again, that there was no hope for recovery.

Beatrice, who knew Ava’s favorite foods; Beatrice, who knew how to tease Ava in the most precise way; Beatrice, who had driven to Ava’s house at two in the morning when she got a panicked call about dying in a traumatic dream, who snuck in through her bedroom window to hold Ava as she cried her way back to sleep.

Beatrice, who anchored Ava to the earth when her thoughts carried her to unfamiliar and frightening places, a light to illuminate her path in the darkness of her mind.

  
  


Ava took a chance on that, and now she was gone.

  
  


She didn’t see her the first couple weeks of class, despite them sharing the same second semester lineup of courses. It was completely unlike Beatrice to be reckless with her grades, and it plagued Ava's mind with every passing period when she didn't show.

  
  


One fateful Monday, though, Ava snapped.

  
  


Mr. Fernández was taking attendance for AP US History, when he sighed, looking up to address the class.

“If anyone would like to reach out to Miss Edwards about her consecutive absences, I would do so very, very soon.” he said, his tone carrying a weight to it that implied the worst.

Ava’s breaths quickened as she made a decision, standing up suddenly with her backpack in hand, and made her way to the door.

“Excuse me, Miss Silva- where do you think you’re going?”

Ava turned the door handle, not turning to face him as she clutched her phone in her other hand.

“To find her.”

She exited the classroom without another word, marching out into the barren breezeway as she slung her bag over her shoulder.

Ava unlocked her phone and went to her contacts, tapping on Camila’s profile and hitting ‘call’.

The line rang as she clenched her jaw; she knew Camila and Lilith spent their study period out in the courtyard on the far side of the school, she just didn’t have the patience to walk that far.

She _also_ knew that Beatrice had to have told one of them _something_.

  
  


_“Hey,”_

Ava took a breath, “Where’s Beatrice?”

She was met with silence, shifting noises sounding through the ear speaker.

_“I’m not sure.”_

“Bullshit.”

She heard muttering on the other end, Lilith telling Camila something she couldn’t make out clearly, Camila whispering ‘no’.

Ava let out an exasperated exhale, “Listen, this is really fucking important. I need you to tell me where she is right now.”

There was a beat of silence before Lilith spoke up in the background.

“She’s on the roof of the B building.”

Ava hung up the call and began walking towards the nearest stairwell, her pace picking up to a run as she made her way to the B building, finding the ladder leading up to the roof access door.

It had clearly been picked and unlocked- damn Beatrice and her number of skills- so she only had to push it open at the top of the ladder.

She pulled herself up onto the surface of the roof, her eyes falling on a figure sitting against the metal box of the fan for the AC, dropping her backpack onto the gravelly rooftop.

  
  


“Where the fuck have you been?”

  
  


The figure stiffened at the familiar voice, turning to meet Ava’s pissed off expression.

“Around.” Beatrice replied vaguely, turning back around to look out to the wooded area behind the school.

Ava scoffed, marching over to stand in front of her best friend.

“Around? Are you fucking kidding me?” she asked incredulously, noticing the bags under Beatrice’s eyes, “You’re really fucking pushing it with skipping classes, y’know. You know you’re bordering on truancy- in the middle of fucking January? You could be expelled!” she exclaimed, her expression mixing with sadness at the thought.

Beatrice looked up at her, her expression resigned, “And yet you’re here, skipping class, to talk to me.”

Ava closed her eyes and exhaled sharply, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose, “I’m here because my best friend of over a decade has fallen off the face of the earth and is throwing her academic career down the drain, and I don’t even know why,” she said, her eyes refocusing on the taller girl sitting below her, “Because she won’t fucking talk to me.”

Beatrice’s eyes flickered before she made to stand up, Ava’s gaze shifting upwards to keep their eyes connected.

Beatrice looked away and walked a few steps in the opposing direction, her hands sliding into her pockets as she kicked a rock against the low wall, her back to Ava.

Ava watched her, a thought hitting her about the possible reason behind Beatrice’s behavior.

  
  


“Is this about what I said?”

Beatrice froze.

  
  


“Back in November, at the festival?” Ava continued, slowly approaching until she was standing in front of Beatrice, the taller girl’s wide eyes fixed on the ground beside Ava.

“Because if that bothered you so much, you could’ve just told me instead of acting like I don’t exist.” she finished, crossing her arms as her eyes began to shine in the sunlight.

Beatrice’s eyes met hers.

She looked tired, overworked, probably throwing herself into lacrosse training despite her dropping grades.

Her eyes dropped to her feet.

“It didn’t bother me.” she admitted quietly, shifting in place.

Ava’s eyes narrowed, “Well what the fuck, then? Why haven’t you answered any of my calls, my texts? I wished you a Merry Christmas and you didn’t even open it. If everything was fine why-”

“Because it fucking scared me!” Beatrice said loudly, her eyes now holding a desperation that Ava hadn’t seen before.

Beatrice let out an incredulous laugh as she turned, beginning to pace atop the roof.

“I,” she started, shaking her head to try and collect her scattered thoughts that have been mounting for weeks, “I have been in love with you since middle school, alright? I realized that freshman year when you and JC started dating. I never did anything because I didn’t want to ruin what we had, and I didn’t want to ruin your happiness with him. I left you alone because I thought that’s what you wanted, and then out of goddamn nowhere,” she laughed, tears beginning to escape her watery eyes, “Out of nowhere you just throw this at me. I had no idea- I still have no idea how to respond. I want this so badly with you, I’m just,” she paused, a sob escaping her as she looked at Ava, who shared the same tear-stained cheeks.

“I’m _so_ afraid of losing you. You’re too much- y-you mean too much to me to fuck up because I’m too stupid to know what to do with myself. The idea, the reality of being with you makes me want to explode with happiness because I _do_ want this, I swear, I do,” she smiled sadly and shook her head, giving a lazy shrug, “I feel like Icarus and you’re my sun: if I fly too close, I think I’ll fall.”

Ava stood stock-still, her lips parted as tears ran down her cheeks at the loaded confession spilled forth in front of her.

Beatrice bounced lightly on the balls of her feet as she bit her lip in thought, suddenly walking forward directly towards Ava, her hands coming to rest on either side of her face.

Her eyes shifted between Ava’s, noticing the slightest shift forward from the shorter girl, before leaning forward herself, their lips connecting.

Beatrice held her breath for a few seconds before she felt Ava relax against her, the shorter girl reaching up to clasp her hand around Beatrice’s wrist in a physical sign of acceptance.

The kiss was chaste, neither looking for any more heaviness between them.

Beatrice, being the first to act, was the first to pull away, her wide eyes fixing on Ava’s as she gave a sad half-smile.

  
  


“Now you know.”

  
  


She moved back, making her way over to the roof access door, glancing one final time at her best friend before disappearing.

Ava stood on the roof, alone, still processing everything she heard and felt.

Beatrice kissed her. 

Beatrice is in love with her.

  
  


So, why wasn’t she going after her?

  
  


Was it the hurt from being left in the cold? The weeks of silence? The literal years of pent-up truth?

She didn’t know which part of all of this shit hit her the hardest. 

All she knew is that she needed time to think.

She grabbed her backpack and made for the exit, climbing down the ladder and rushing to the hallway, not finding the girl that had settled in her mind for months anywhere in sight.

The shock of it all knocked her body back into normalcy, her eyes no longer producing tears despite her reddened eyes and cheeks.

Ava didn’t return to class, instead heading straight to the student parking lot, her eyes fixed on the ground in front of her.

As soon as she reached her car and closed the door, she gripped the wheel as her brain tried to catch up with everything, the words still tumbling around in her head-

The feeling of Beatrice’s lips on hers burned into her skin.

She drove home in a haze, pulling into the driveway slowly when she realized she’d have to explain her early arrival.

  
  


Nah, fuck that.

  
  


She grabbed her backpack and exited the car, approaching her front door with a specific thought.

Upon entering her home, she was met with Mary standing by the dining room table, her arms crossed with a look of concern on her face.

Ava met her stare, placing her backpack down against the wall.

“School called.”

Ava nodded, her jaw shifting as she shoved her hands into her jacket pockets.

“Wanna tell me why you just,” Mary shrugged, taking a couple steps forward, “Left class without a word?”

Ava thought about her following words carefully.

  
  


“Not really, no.” 

  
  


Mary’s eyebrows shot up at the response, her foster daughter not usually this combative when it came to honesty, “Well,” she replied, almost impressed, “Okay, then.”

She paused then, her internal battle between being a good parent and being an understanding person, deciding on some form of punishment.

“WiFi and phone data’s going off at 9. No internet until tomorrow after school. I suggest you get whatever online stuff you need done finished before then. _Comprendes?_ ” she added, trying to read the emotions swimming behind Ava’s eyes.

Ava shrugged, “Fine. Fair,” she replied, her eyes shifting to the tile, “I’m going for a run.”

Mary watched her as she retreated to her room, clenching her jaw as she had an idea about the cause of Ava’s behavior.

She turned back around towards the living room, moving to shut her laptop as she sat down on the couch, not having the mental energy to put in the extra hours of investigation into a current case at that time.

She didn’t want to bother Shannon either, knowing she was probably wrapped up with patients or some emergency in the ICU.

Mary sighed and sat back, not looking up as she heard the front door open and slam closed. 

She knew that Ava would come around eventually- Mary had been through this exact same thing with Shannon in high school, she gets it.

She just didn’t know how long it would take.

  
  


~

  
  


Ava counted the seconds of her inhales and exhales, breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth as she trekked down the side of a backroad.

Her playlist was on shuffle, trying not to stick to any one genre or theme for fear that she would get inspired to do something stupid or reckless.

She didn’t want to talk to Beatrice, nor did she want to see her; it was all too confusing and, overall, too much at the moment.

Ava understood every word Beatrice told her. She understood the fear of losing her dearest friend, someone she genuinely felt she was meant to know forever.

She understood the depth of desire to exceed satisfaction of being with the girl she loves.

Ava’s run turned into a jog, and eventually a walk as she approached the edge of an orange grove lined with wooden benches for passersby.

She sat down, watching as the sun began to set.

Ava allowed her ideas and thoughts to run amok in her head in the quiet buzz of the evening, illuminated by rich oranges, pinks, and yellows.

She sat until the clouds became dark blue and purple, wondering whether she would let the fear win, or if she was willing to take a risk for love.

  
  


~

  
  


Dinner that night was tense in the Edwards household, Beatrice’s father having gotten the call about his daughter’s successive absences.

“It’s not due to lacrosse, is it? If so, I’ll have you taken off the team if you can’t manage your time wisely.” he said, cutting into his lamb chop.

Beatrice shook her head as she swallowed, “It’s not that, I promise, I’ve just been having a hard time lately.” she said honestly, her mother and father looking at each other from across the table.

“With what, dear? The school year only recently continued,” her mother inquired, her hands stilling with light confusion.

Beatrice clenched her jaw and placed her utensils down on the table, trying to come up with a viable half truth.

“Ava and I,” she started, her mother’s brow creasing at the mention of her longtime friend, “We’ve been… turbulent. Call it ‘growing pains’, I guess.” she answered vaguely, the content of the faux confession weighty enough to gain the attention of her father.

“Well,” he began, jabbing a fingerling potato, “You two have been close since early childhood. A bond like that should withstand the test of time and conflict, in my opinion.” he added, meeting his daughter’s eyes.

Beatrice was silent with mild shock, not expecting such… reassuring words from her father, having known him as a critical and pessimistic person.

“I agree,” her mother continued, “Whatever the trouble is, I’m sure you two will be able to resolve it, knowing everything you’ve been through together.” she finished, meeting her daughter’s wide eyes.

Beatrice nodded slowly, her eyes shifting back to her plate, her fork gathering a bit of everything in a final bite before standing, picking up her plate.

“I’m going to go study,” she said around the food, turning to the kitchen to clean her plate off.

Her parents’ eyes met again, Mr. Edwards’ eyebrows shot up with a shrug as he refocused on his dinner.

Mrs. Edwards’ gaze refocused on her retreating daughter, curiosity growing in her mind.

  
  


~

  
  


There was a knock on her bedroom door nearing her normal bedtime, the clock reading 10:10 PM.

“It’s unlocked,” Beatrice said, the knob turning as the face of her mother became apparent in the soft lighting.

“May I talk to you, dear?” she asked, nudging the door open slightly.

Beatrice nodded, her mother making her way into her room in kind.

She sat down on the edge of her daughter’s bed, her fingers folded together as she tried to gather her thoughts.

“Your father and I love you dearly,” she started, her hands fidgeting further, “So much more than you may think,”

Beatrice searched her mother’s face for a clue pertaining to this conversation, finding nothing as she waited for her to continue.

“We have not been… nearly as supportive as we should have been,” she said, looking up into her daughter’s open eyes, “When you first told us about, well, _you_.”

Beatrice’s heart hammered in her chest as her mouth went dry, her mind reeling at the chosen topic.

Her mother gave a half smile as she looked back down at her hands, “Truth be told, we simply did not know what to do with the information, so we felt the best course of action was to let you be, leaving any decisions around,” she made an all encompassing hand gesture, “That.”

Beatrice nervously chuckled, “You can say ‘lesbian’, mother; it’s the truth,” she said, alluding to a paraphrased verse in 1 Corinthians 13:6, “‘Love rejoices in the truth.’”

Her mother looked at her, a smile coming to bloom on her lips as her eyes slowly filled with tears, her hands reaching for Beatrice’s as she quoted the full successive line from the same verse, “‘It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.’” she added.

“My lesbian daughter,” she said, a light laugh escaping her as a tear ran down her cheek, “I love you so much; I’m so proud of everything you do- not in spite of who you are, but because of your strength to _be_ who you are. I realize that now, and I’m sorry that I did not see that sooner.”

Beatrice’s eyes welled with tears of her own, the wall around her heart, her fears of being true beginning to fall away as her mother’s words hit her. She reached forward, embracing her mother tightly as they both cried, silently, forgiving and asking for forgiveness from each other.

“I love you, mom.” Beatrice whispered, her mother’s hands smoothing down her daughter’s back.

“You are my greatest gift in life, Beatrice, and I love you so much,” she whispered back, giving her daughter a final squeeze before pulling away, her hand coming to rest against her cheek, “That’s why I wanted to come ask you about what you said earlier.”

Beatrice exhaled to compose herself, giving a slow nod for her mother to continue.

“What is really going on, with you and Ava?” she asked softly, her other hand grasped between both of her daughter’s.

Beatrice chewed her lip, exhaling as the sentences formed on her tongue.

“I’ve loved her for a while now,” she replied softly, looking down to her mother’s hand and running her thumb along the back of her palm, “And she loves me, too.”

Her mother smiled softly, squeezing her daughter’s hand lightly, “Wouldn’t that be a joyful thing, dear?”

Beatrice shook her head, “Yes, but,” she sighed deeply, her eyes flickering, “I don’t want to ruin what we have, I know that’s a possibility. I’m afraid that, if we do this, we’ll lose everything. I can’t fathom the thought of her-” Beatrice released a shuddered breath, her voice quivering slightly, “I can’t imagine my life without her in it.”

Mrs. Edwards’ eyes shifted to her daughter’s creased brow, her shining eyes, and finally down to their joined hands. She settled her other hand on top of Beatrice’s, the warmth of her palm a reassuring sensation.

“Is that not what makes love so worthwhile?” she asked gently, Beatrice giving a confused look in response, her eyes coming up to meet her mother’s.

“The risk of what could be lost?” she questioned, her brow creasing.

Mrs. Edwards smiled softly, shaking her head and squeezing Beatrice’s hands.

  
  


“The risk of what could come to _be_ , darling.”

  
  


Beatrice’s eyes fluttered as something clicked, her mother’s words opening up a door inside her mind that had been locked since the moment she knew how she felt about her best friend.

Mrs. Edwards viewed the change in her daughter’s demeanor, not letting her internal pride show too much as she squeezed Beatrice’s hands and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Goodnight, love.” she whispered, standing up and exiting the room, closing the door softly.

Beatrice sat on her bed, a smile slowly coming to fruition on her lips, letting out a breathy laugh.

She wanted this. Ava was worth it, every time.

She lied back, turning out the light on the bedside table, her mind reeling with possibilities. She didn’t fall asleep immediately, her sleep schedule effectively ruined under the best circumstances as she considered her next plan of action.

Some amount of time later, she reached for her phone, typing out a message to Ava before she succumbed to sleep.

  
  


_Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be there. I love you._

  
  
  


  1. **Golden**



  
  
  


The following day was somewhat dull, seeing as Ava only had access to downloaded music and a couple of movies on Netflix.

Beatrice was back in class, considerably more quiet around Ava than she had been before the events prior to their current situation. Though, Ava noticed that there was some kind of energy around her; she seemed more awake, alert. 

Her best friend’s silence left her with yet another dried up source of entertainment, her internet access only resuming until after school let out.

  
  


Only, it didn’t.

  
  


At the end of the school day, Ava drove home, her frustration only building as _Timebomb_ came on for the sixth time that day, resulting in her disconnecting the auxiliary cord for the rest of the drive.

She pulled into the driveway and promptly exited the driver's seat, slamming the door shut and marching up to the front entrance.

Her first step into the foyer had her frozen, both Mary _and_ Shannon being present at this time of day jarring her out of her agitation.

  
  


“Uh,” she started, closing the door slowly and dropping her book bag to the floor, “Data’s not back on.”

Mary nodded slowly, standing up as she slid her hands into her back pockets, “I know.”

Ava waited for any additional information before gesturing ‘well?’.

Shannon repressed a smirk unsuccessfully, taking a few steps forward towards her foster child.

“We wanted to talk to you about,” Shannon glanced back at Mary before readdressing Ava, “Well, your behavior.”

Ava sighed deeply and ran her hands down her face, “Can’t we just chalk it up to teenage hormones and call it a day?”

Mary smiled slightly, taking a couple steps forward to match Shannon’s distance, “We know it’s about Beatrice.”

Ava slowly looked up, her brow creasing slightly at being blindsided by her _parents_.

  
  


“I’d really rather not.”

  
  


Mary's humorous front fell away, her jaw shifting as she took a few steps forward into Ava's space.

"Okay."

Ava's face changed slightly, suspicious at Mary's sudden change of heart.

"Can we talk to you about," Mary continued, looking back at Shannon, "Us?"

  
  


Ah, there's the other shoe.

  
  


Ava chewed her bottom lip, sighing as she nodded 'yes'.

Shannon half smiled behind Mary, her head tilting in the direction of the dining room table, "Come, sit."

Ava complied, taking a seat opposite to her foster parents, leaning back and propping one of her legs up on the adjacent chair to get comfortable.

"So," Shannon started, her smile growing as she recounted her memories, "When Mary and I were your age, we were very close; in fact, our friendship kind of resembled that of yours and Beatrice’s."

Mary gave a combination of a smile and a shrug, "More roughhousing, I'd say," she added, earning a nudge from Shannon, her eyes shining.

"Yes, more roughhousing," she agreed, her eyes shifting back to her hands, "We played on the varsity soccer team, so we spent a lot of time together traveling for games, during practice, on top of already hanging out outside of sports and adjacent activities."

Mary reached to grasp Shannon's hand, her other arm draping across her wife's shoulders as she continued.

"I don't know when Mary noticed that something had changed, but for me it was early during senior year. I found myself staring a little too long, thinking a little too hard about what I'd say to my best friend for her to be just _that_ ," Shannon looked up, smirking, "I'm not sure _why_ I fell for her, it's not like I'd have missed much."

Mary gave a sarcastic nod, "I _am_ a gift from God, but aside from that, sure."

Shannon chuckled and squeezed her wife's hand, "I found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place; did I want to put our friendship on the line because of how I felt, or did I want to keep what we had with my feelings at a distance? It was a lot to think about, and it paralyzed me for a good while before I made a decision.”

Shannon fell silent for a few moments, her warm eyes eventually finding Ava's open ones, lifting up her and Mary's joined hands.

  
  


"I took the leap."

  
  


Ava's gaze shifted to the wood grain of the table as her hands slid forward onto the surface, her lips parted as the words bounced around in her head.

"How did you know that it would be okay?" she asked softly, her eyes coming back up to Shannon's, "How did you get over the fear?"

Shannon smiled gently, reaching her unoccupied hand forward and placing it on top of Ava's. 

  
  


"I stopped thinking about what could have been lost, and instead thought about all that could simply _be_."

  
  


Ava's eyelashes fluttered, her mind suddenly pushing past her anxieties and nerves, imaging the life she could have with her best friend.

With Beatrice.

  
  


“Ava.”

  
  


She looked up at Mary, her eyes darting to how her thumb brushed back and forth across the back of Shannon’s palm, her other hand tapping her phone screen. 

Ava heard a ping from her messages as Mary turned on the mobile data.

She pulled out her phone and unlocked it, swiping down on her notification bar to see a message in waiting.

  
  


**Beatrice, 10:48 PM, Mon 1/16**

_Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be there. I love you._

  
  


Ava’s eyelashes fluttered upon reading the text, her heart beginning to beat excitedly as a smile came to her lips.

Mary viewed her foster child’s reaction to a text she couldn’t see, but she knew who it must have been from. She smiled slightly, squeezing Shannon’s hand in her own.

“Go get your girl, kiddo.”

Ava looked up at her parents, her eyes dashing between them as she let out an unbelieving laugh, nodding vehemently in response.

She looked back down to her phone, her hands trembling slightly as she clicked on Beatrice’s contact information, then clicking ‘call’.

The line rang only twice.

_“Hey.”_

Ava smiled at the voice on the other end, “Hey,” she licked her lips, formulating a plan in her mind, “Where are you right now?”

_“Oh,”_ there was a moment of silence, _“You know the wheat field near school?”_

Ava nodded, “Yeah.”

_“Yeah.”_

Ava breathed, her thoughts actually coming together into something coherent.

“Stay there.”

Then she hung up the phone, pausing momentarily before reaching for her keys on the hook, snatching her wallet out of her backpack, turning to her parents.

“I’ll be back later.” 

Her parents watched her as she went, Shannon spotting the moment before she turned on the car, leaning back and laughing in the driver’s seat before taking off.

She leaned back in her chair, her eyes still fixed on Ava’s previously occupied space, “They’re going to be alright.”

Mary’s gaze shifted to her wife as she smiled, pressing a kiss to her temple as Shannon leaned into her side.

“Yeah, they are.”

  
  


~

  
  


Beatrice wasn’t sure what to make of the call, staring at her phone screen as it went dark, her heart picking up in pace as the final words reverberated in her mind.

_“Stay there.”_

Was Ava coming to her? 

_‘Obviously, she wouldn’t have said it otherwise.’_ she thought. 

Beatrice’s heart skipped a beat when she realized that Ava had to have read her text from the night before, clicking her phone back on to check the read receipts.

  
  


Yup. Fuck.

  
  


She pocketed her phone with shaky hands before grasping the camera that hung around her neck, slowly turning to the thick field behind her. The sun had just started its descent as the wheat sprigs lit up like gold, the colors in the sky intensifying by the minute.

She snapped a couple shots of the scene, clicking back through the gallery only to delete them due to blur from her unsteady hands. She sighed and took the camera off from around her neck, placing it on the old picnic table beside her before hopping up onto the surface. She wrung her hands and took a few deep breaths before lying back onto the table, her feet in contact with the bench seat below.

Beatrice pulled her phone out again, this time clicking on Spotify and hitting shuffle, turning the volume all the way up in an attempt to drown out her thoughts.

  
  


~

  
  


Ava gripped the steering wheel in an attempt to ground herself with her rapidfire thoughts. The nearer she got to her destination, the more erratic her heart seemed to beat, the sentences she began forming in her mind at the start of the drive becoming jumbled.

She exhaled shakily as she pulled into the side road leading back to her and Beatrice’s secret retreat spot, every shared memory of lying beneath the stars flooding to the front of her mind.

She parked off to the side, far enough away to gather the last shreds of her thoughts during the foot travel to come.

Ava got out of her car and shut the door, rooted to the spot as the reality of the situation hit her.

  
  


And she ran.

  
  


She headed in the direction of their little haven, dust kicking up behind her, the golden sunlight illuminating the clouds resembling those in the sky above.

She rounded a bend and stopped abruptly, her eyes being met with the person she had been longing for as her breath clouded in front of her from the cold.

Beatrice didn’t move, the music blaring from her phone speaker taking up her attention as Ava took a couple steps forward.

  
  


_“I know you were way too bright for me,_

_I’m hopeless, broken, so you wait for me in the sky.”_

  
  


“Beatrice.”

  
  


She sat up quickly, her wide eyes fixed on Ava; breathless, beautiful Ava. 

The shorter girl licked her lips, the words forming on the tip of her tongue, the music continuing to flow into the space between them.

“I want this,” she started, taking a couple more steps forward, “I want to take this chance- with you, and only you,”

  
  


_“I can feel it take ahold,_

_I can feel you take control of who I am, and all I’ve ever known;_

_Loving you’s the antidote.”_

  
  


Beatrice stepped down from the table, her heart racing as she slowly walked forward, shrinking the distance between them, inch by inch, the sunlight illuminating Ava’s flushed skin and shining eyes.

  
  


_“I’m out of my head, and I know that you’re scared because hearts get broken.”_

  
  


Ava watched as Beatrice came to stand before her, her full eyes darting between her own.

“I want to see what we can do, together, if you’ll have me,” Ava said softly, her hands reaching for Beatrice’s, their fingers intertwining as she took a small step forward, her eyes never breaking away.

  
  


“I love you.”

  
  


Beatrice’s breath hitched in her throat at the definite admission, her hands squeezing Ava’s as her eyes shifted to the shorter girl’s lips. Ava’s gaze mimicked Beatrice’s, both of them moving closer, slowly, slowly, slowly.

  
  


_“I don’t wanna be alone._

_You’re so golden.”_

  
  


Ava’s heart bloomed in her chest as their lips met, letting out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. 

She squeezed Beatrice’s hands, her fingers slipping free from the grasp to slide up the taller girl’s arms, her arms wrapping around Beatrice’s neck.

Beatrice responded in kind, her hands settling on Ava’s waist before her arms snaked around her middle, pulling her closer as the kiss slowed.

They pulled apart, a breath away from each other, and Beatrice smiled.

Ava looked into her best friend’s eyes, recognizing the overwhelming love behind her gaze, smiling in kind as a laugh bubbled up from her chest, her eyes sparkling.

Beatrice leaned her forehead against Ava’s, watching as a joyful tear escaped her eye, her hand coming up to her cheek to swipe it away, thumb lingering.

“I love you, too.” she breathed, tears of her own beginning to form as a smile exploded onto her face.

Ava laughed again, leaning forward for another kiss as Beatrice met her in the middle.

They stood in the bright orange rays of the setting sun, a symphony of colors backdropped behind them as they melded into each other, the moon peeking through the darkening clouds.

They didn’t know what the coming months or years were going to bring for them- they didn’t much care.

  
  


They had right now, in the golden hour, and that was more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away." Song of Songs 8:7
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it. remember to drop a kudos and a comment, love y'all.


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